Raccoon Pack Sets Up Shop in Lido Key Park on Beach

 On any given day, park goers on Lido Key Beach in Sarasota can be hounded by wild animals, raccoons, that have become tamed and people-dependent by feeding. Signs warn not to feed animals but humans know better and ignore the warning. The dudes steal food right off picnic tables when attention is not focused on them and/or they follow people with food and beg like a dog; therefore the term “hounded”.

May I digress please? Thank you.

I did not receive permission from Young Alvin to go to press with this non-alligator related prose because he has been a no show for at least a month now. I did a little digging and did find out that gators do not actually go into true hibernation but their metabolism slows way down when the temperature dips down below about 70°F and they stop eating. They often construct burrows to stay in and can survive freezing temperatures by keeping the nostrils above water that may freeze around them. Young Alvin, Little Alex and the other kid may have wandered away to find a winter home that is more to their liking than our lake, which is full of water and doesn’t appear to have suitable places for burrow building. I really hope Alvin didn’t eat the smaller two.

May I digress further please? Thank You.

The leader of this pack of about 50± is a sophisticated but pompous one with four initials in his name, RRRR, Randolph Randall Randley Raccoon. He is simply known as ‘Randy’ by locals. Most likely he has heritage from England, France or Germany or some other place ‘over there’. I’ve only known one four initial person that I know of, JWFF. I believe his heritage is Germany and Yakima, WA.

May I regress please? Thank you.

Since there is no RNT (Raccoon Nuisance Trapper) program in existence, Sarasota County has hired a trapping service to corral the critters and get them off the beach. Since these people-oriented thieves need to be active when people are around, they defy their inborn instinct to be nocturnal or active at night, Roy Roseville. Since ‘that gang won’t hunt’ it has little chance of surviving without people feeding them. Relocation is out of the question so the trappers have the authority to humanely euthanize them.

May I digress please? Thank you.

I called Tony Lama over in El Paso and told him about the 50 skins coming on the market. He said he doesn’t make cowboy, cowgirl or cowkid boots out of coonskin and he is too old to start making Dan’l Boone hats. Do you know of a place to unload  them? I think I can earn a commission if I find a source for the skins. And brother, I need the dough. I am retired you know.

Gator Seen Climbing Fence in Manatee County

 I don’t know if this relative of Young Alvin’s, Uncle Aliver Alligator, actually made it over the fence. The photographer said a raccoon was walking on the fence top some how or another and the ‘Unc’ may have been after it.

‘Anyhoo’, this went on in my county! In other words, my backyard! The photos were taken by a county employee who works at the waste water treatment plant. He sent them to a TV station in Sarasota and it made the local news. Alligators are often seen in the treatment ponds, even though they are enclosed by the cyclone fence topped with barbed wire.

Well, to speculate; if a raccoon, possum, armadillo, reindeer or any other critter was seen by Alvin atop my lanai and he decided to go after it, Lord be with me! He would tear up the screen door covering and be in my swimming pool before I could say scat.

How to Turn No. 1 into No. 2!

Camaraderie

My friend Ted and I had breakfast at the ‘Broken Egg’ on Monday. Dick Vitale, better known as Dickie V, is a local yokel and hangs out there most days from 8 AM to 1 PM pushing the latest of the nine books he has authored and other basketball stuff. He will sign any thing you buy and donates all the proceeds to cancer sufferers and research. If you don’t know Dickie V, he is now a college basketball announcer who seems to favor the Duke Blue Devils, even if they are not playing. In his day, he did coaching stints at Rutgers and University of Detroit, both basketball powerhouses we all know, and the Detroit Pistons in the NBA.

Hey Roy Roseville, if you want more on Dickie V, just Google him. Ted was scratching at the remainder of his ‘Eggs Benedict’ with his fork as I put the question to him about needing a spot to place 50 coonskins. Ted is from South Carolina and graduated from Clemson, so I figured he would be able to help me easily. He is so loyal to his alma mater, as most Southerners are, that he drove all the way from Bradenton to Clemson (581 miles, 10 hours and 3 minutes) to watch them play football against somebody, weekend before last. And he didn’t even have a ticket but said you can always find somebody trying to unload one before the game. He said he got a good seat about 50 rows up in one of the end zones. He told me but I forgot who they played.

Sorry I got distracted, but that’s just me. Since he was from South Carolina, he was a lot closer to where Dan’l hung out in Kentucky, North Carolina or Tennessee or wherever it was. Anyway, the boy didn’t know who to contact or who made coonskin caps. But he did say he could get me some moonshine. Unfortunately I had to decline that offer since I gave it up many moons ago.

Still looking!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving