Burmese Python Hunt After One Week

The latest number I have seen states 1141 hunters from 32 states and Canada registered and paid the $25.00 fee to be able to capture and kill pythons in the Florida Everglades. So far only 21 snakes have been logged in by the authorities. The hunters include a convicted felon who is not allowed to carry a gun. He trained a Harris hawk to find pythons and alert him. There has been no word on his success at this time. A father-daughter team, Buford and Burlene Pygnoramus, are registered professional snake hunters. Hey Roy Roseville, the correct pronunciation is pig-nor-amos. The pros get to attach a sticker to their truck door that reads “FWC Python Agent” or something like that and they can transport live pythons, for some reason.

 Prior to the Rangers firing his Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum pistol over the hunter’s heads and felling the vulture, Buford and Burlene were sitting on the tailgate of their F-150 in the parking lot, just waiting for the start. Dad opened the cooler, grabbed a couple of beverages and popped the top on a 24 oz. can of Bud and Burlene unscrewed the cap on a 16 oz. bottle of Coke. She proceeded to open a pack of Planters® Salted Peanuts and after taking a big swig, formed a funnel over the opening with her left hand and poured the peanuts into the bottle. Yum, yum!! I used to do that as a kid in Marana, AZ. But that’s another story.

 There are also many TV crews from around the State, States and World trying to film the action. Several reality TV crews have employed hunters to follow around. One crew chief, wearing skinny blue jeans and a sombrero, said that all the hunters he had filmed had necks the color red. I heard the reality TV crews are not above making stuff up if the real deal is not on tap.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

Do you remember back in the 50’s and 60’s, some will some won’t, when professional ‘rasslin’ was big on black and white TV? Nearly all towns of any size had some kind of arena or gym and the pros would all show up riding in the same cars to perform. When the bouts started they would act like they put sharp stuff inside the masks that some of them wore or get brass knuckles from somewhere while the referee’s attention was diverted. Before the fight was over there would be blood everywhere. To make a long story short, the blood was faked but my Grand Dad on my Dad’s side thought it was real and would sit right up next to the TV and holler and cuss the ref and the bad guy.

One of the most commonly used submission holds employed was the sleeper, where one would get a head hold and choke off the others air and make him pass out or maybe it was the Boston crab, where the loser was on his stomach and the winner sat on him backwards, grabbed his ankles and pulled the legs in the wrong direction. Boy, it doesn’t take long before the hurt one starts slapping the canvas giving up! Talk about fake, they have cleaned it up considerably and I don’t think they use the blood anymore. Do they?

 May I regress? Thank you!

 Well, needless to say, you can still buy fake blood somewhere and a reliable source saw a TV crew film a staged python bite on a hunter’s hand. He went into the bushes, squirted the fake blood on his hand and then came out screaming and yelling, “I’m python bit”! The hunter left the blood on his hand, drove back into town and sold the right to film his snake bit hand to other filmers. In reality, the python bite is not poisonous, but is painful since they have several backward pointing teeth.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 We have a democrat U.S. Senator down here in Florida that flies in from D.C. every time a photo op pops up or he can get on TV. He doesn’t know how to balance a budget or vote ‘No’ on stupid legislation but he knows the reason only 21 pythons have been caught and killed so far is caused by global warming. It is so hot this winter the pythons stay hid and don’t sunbathe. Ha! I bet a hundred dollars he can tell you the precise month, day, year and time the last iceberg in the Arctic Ocean will melt.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 One thing that python and alligator hunters have in common is the use of the term ‘jump on it’. They say that in reference to taking control of the animal. The python hunter will pounce from the side or back and grab it right behind the head. The alligator nabber will jump on the back and grab the snout and hold the mouth closed while his buddy tapes it shut with refrigeration tape. I was brought up calling it duct tape. I don’t think refrigeration was invented until I was about 17.  You can pretty much have your way with a python if you get it by the tail. You can pull it around and position it so you can get it behind the head. If you get the head and tail at the same time, you’ve got him.

 One hunter, submitting to an interview, shared a story about jumpin’ on a python and missing its head. He said, “if you miss, the snake’ll face ya and raise its head nut high. That’ll cause you to back off in a hurry”. Another fellow told about jumpin’ on an alligator and missin’ a few years back and it was the worst mistake he’s made in his life.

Well that’s all there is for now folks. I’m hoping the action picks up since it has cooled of considerably here and the global warming threat has subsided.

Stay tuned!!!