Burmese Python Hunt

This time of year in the lives of Young Alvin, Baby Alex and, hopefully, the kid that lives in our lake is kind of like major league baseball. The long season is over, it is too cold to play and the time is spent resting up for it all to begin again next spring. My beloved San Francisco Giants are reloading for a defense of their World Series win and sweep of the Detroit Tigers.

What a bunch of bums they were. Prince who??? I think my Arizona State Class ‘B’ Champion Hayden High School Wolves, 1959, could have whomped the Tigers. It may have taken seven instead of four, however!!

Anyway, a great idea popped up this morning and I feel obligated to inform you of an action taken by the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission, commonly known as the FWC. I don’t believe the California Department of Fish and Game would ever take the chance of irking the likes of the environmentalists by allowing anything this bold to occur in their State. But that’s just me.

Because of the off season, I have not obtained permission from Alvin to publish an article about a non-related reptile in the Chronicles. I certainly hope he understands my intent.

May I digress please? Thank you!

 You may or may not know, probably not, that the local Bradenton high school football team, ‘Manatee Hurricanes’, have been ranked the #1 team in the nation all season long, by the powers that be. I don’t think they scored less than 50 points in any game all season. They played on TV a couple of times and their stadium seats 7000 fans. In Florida there is a playoff system, that I don’t quite understand, that determines the state champion for each division. Well, the Hurricanes were sent down to Ft.Lauderdale to play a bunch of Catholic boys from St. Thomas Aquinas college preparatory high school, since 1938. Evidently some intervention by a higher authority took place and the Hurricanes came away 35-18 losers. I am convinced that the Catholics were empowered because I saw pictures of a couple of our Manatee players in the newspaper and they had mustaches that would have made my Uncle George envious. Whew!!!

 May I digress further please? Thank you!

 One of my Roseville friends, who was portrayed as Nuthaniel Nutria because of his capability to reproduce has updated his employment status recently. The wife and I came to know him as the bartender at the local Olive Garden. He was a student at Cal State Sacramento studying Civil Engineering and his goal was to become employed by CALTRANS, which is the highway department in California. Before we moved from the area he left the OG after earning an internship at Caltrans and was able to hide out of site when Governor Jerry Brown looked around for people to cut in an attempt to save money. Well, to make a long story short, he graduated and was offered a position way up North in Eureka, marijuana growing country.

Nuthaniel, Nukari, Nuisaac and the nuone in the oven will be moving soon. Congrats!!!!!

 He assured me that the position comes with a brand new shovel for him to lean on and he can now check out a four door pickup that sleeps six from the motor pool. No problema! Now, with the State benefits package in his hip pocket and his paycheck direct deposited to the bank, he will have more than enough time for salmon and steelhead fishing and he is so inspired by ‘The Gator Chronicles’ that he intends to start his own blog soon.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

You undoubtedly remember the ramble about the female Burmese python captured and killed in the ‘Everglades’ this spring. The gal, Pyeggy, had 87 eggs removed during an ovarbotomy performed on her. I remarked then that we were fortunate to have trapped and de-egged her before the eggs were laid. Well, there is still a bunch more Pyeggy’s out there and the FWC has opened a season on them. From January 12 – February 10 anyone can register to participate in the hunt. That includes professionals, amateurs, bored snowbirds and golfers, widows, homeless, bigamists or whoever. I’ve got some macho hunting relatives over in Tucson that might be interested if they can get off work. Maybe not though since one of the rules is that you can’t stand off 50 yards and take pot shots at them with a rifle. A gun can be used to kill the snake after it is subdued with a shot to the brain only. The alternative is to decapitate it with a machete. Zip, boom, bah!

 The FWC is encouraging the public to form a militia and assist in the elimination of the Burmese python through this hunt and educating to prevent future releases of unwanted pets into the wild. The progeny of this prolific invasive species are increasing like wildfire. You don’t even have to have a hunting license to compete but it will cost you $25 to register and a 40 minute training video must be watched online. The video is to educate the hunter about the hunt and the hunted. The hunt will be open in four public areas in South Florida only. The prize money is not that great but there will be 2 divisions; pros who have a hunting permit and amateurs who do not have a permit. Each division will offer a $1500 prize for the most pythons killed and a $1000 prize for the longest snake. Remember that Pyeggy was 17’ 7” long so we will see how the winning lengths match up statistically.

 The snakes must be dead when brought in and in no more than 2 pieces; the severed head and the rest of the body. That is to discourage cheating by cutting up more than one snake and trying to piece together a very long one. The FWC must have observed some of the things the ‘Swamp People’ did on TV.

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 The FWC is trying to make cheating more difficult than voting in Florida at the regular polling place on Election Day. That’s when the Republicans show up to cast their ballots. Otherwise, cheating is allowed if you are a democrat and choose to vote during the early voting sessions. The dems. chant is ‘vote early and vote often’ and if your neighbor died, vote for him/her too.

 May I regress please? Thank you!

 If a hunter chooses to be disqualified, he or she should do one of the following:

 1). Kill pet snakes at home and say they were killed on the hunt.

 2). Post zany sadistic You Tube videos or Facebook postings.

 3). Post inhumane or sadistic videos or photos on any social media.

 The FWC will attempt to keep this hunt classy.

 Head em’ up, move em’ out!!!!

 Quiz question (optional)- What chance does a State sponsored hunt like this have in California?????

 Nile crocodile

We all know through the education I have presented to you that alligator and crocodile temperaments are quite dissimilar. They are sort of like the difference between a good and bad mother- in- law (mil). The bad mil and the croc both have nastier temperaments. In my first go round, I must say, I did have one of the nastier ones. But that’s just me.

In another instance, and I’m sure the California Dept. of Fish and Game would never sanction this, the FWC has issued a rare shoot to kill authorization to its Crocodile Relocation Agents. As you know, crocs are an endangered species in the U.S. and must be trapped and moved rather than killed like the alligator. However this Nile dude is an invasive species that is not supposed to be in Florida and most likely was an unruly pet turned loose by the owner. Although the Nile and American crocs are in the same genus, scientists don’t think an offspring would result from cross breeding.

 The Nile croc from Africa prefers fresh water over salt, making it more likely to come in contact with humans. It can jump higher, run faster, grow longer and has a nastier temperament than its American cousin. Minus the temperament part, that description kind of sounds like our kids who have grown up eating pesticide treated food all their lives; run faster, jump higher, grow taller!!! Not too shabby is it. But that’s just me.

 The Nile croc gets big, 20 feet, is vicious, aggressive and humans are easy targets. The American croc, although more aggressive than an alligator, is a pussy cat compared to the Nile croc. The specimen in question is only three feet long, not particularly dangerous now and not sexually mature. It is highly unlikely that a mate would be encountered. The FWC team has spent 1000 hours day and night, in and out of boats trying to unsuccessfully trap, lasso or harpoon the small croc. It is believed someone trapped the thing recently and let it go, so it is now more elusive and wary of human .

 May I digress please? Thank you!

 I must find time to put together a piece on the geographic distrbution of the Crocodylidae family. Finding time!!! I am retired you know.

My friend Ted was scratching through the remains of his chorizo and eggs with his fork last Thursday morning at the ‘Broken Egg’ in Lakewood Ranch trying to explain why he didn’t go to the University of Florida field day on Tuesday. Hey Roy Roseville, I have to set up the breakfast deal here just like I did in Roseville. Even though I moved I still get to ‘boss’. Anyway, pardon my digression from the digress. I couldn’t have breakfast Monday because I had an appointment with my eye quack and Ted couldn’t do it Tuesday because he was going to the field day. He said it was a two hour drive to get there and I could have a free lunch paid for by the Dupont Rep. if I wanted to go with him. I really wanted to go but had to decline since a plumber was coming to the house to fix the wife’s toilet.

Anyway, I asked him if the University taught him anything at the field day. He cleared his throat and said in a somewhat guilty voice, “I didn’t go”. I said, “you didn’t go, after offering me a ride and telling me how good it would be and taking advantage of the Dupont Rep. by eating the competitors food”. “Why” I asked, “didn’t you go”??? He said he woke up and decided it wasn’t worth the two hour drive and went back to sleep. He is retired too, you know.