ANCHORS AWAY

Young Alvin’s far removed relative, ‘Cousin Crenshaw Crocodile’, CCC,  recently decided to take a vacation and snagged a ride on the famous cruise ship, ‘Crimson Crystal’. She was departing Miami for parts unknown and Crennie found a platform-like shelf above twin screws where he could lay protected and undetected for the journey. When the ship stopped, Crenshaw slipped out of and off his hideaway and soon found himself in a lively mangrove lagoon saloon in Cancun.

A tourist policeman reported that Cousin Crenshaw, exhibiting a dab of aggression, bit the right hand off a homeless Mexican, Alejandro Alvarado Aldama. He was walking close to the lagoon picking up recyclable plastic and aluminum to trade in for pesos.

May I digress, please? Thank you!

Crenshaw would have, most likely, been less aggressive if the hombres name had been Croberto Crantiago Crustamente. ‘The wife’, made me tone down my original reference to the dampness on his spine. ‘CCC’ was obviously antagonized by ‘AAA’.

May I regress, please? Thank you!

Since Mexico has no crocodile coddling program or nuisance crocodile trappers, ‘Cuz’ was neither captured for relocation nor harvested for components. Therefore, no stombotomy was performed to salvage the right hand and Señor Aldama will be forever right handless. The ‘Cousin Crenshaw’ will live to bite another day and will not be appearing in the Tony Lama showcase window as cowboy boots in El Paso.

The tourist policeman did not say whether Crenshaw Crocodile was deported on the departed Crimson Crystal.

HEY TONNYYY!!!!

Arkansas Behemoth!

Sometime in or around ’82, young Alvin’s mother’s favorite brother, ‘Uncle Alveolarly Alligator’ decided to relocate from Lakewood Ranch, FL. He hoped to find a better life with an easy pickins food supply. He hopped aboard the under carriage of the United Van Line transport trunk idling in the street and it turned out to be headed to Texarkana, AR. By the looks of the bull gator, he found the good life and the food couldn’t have been better. 

Alveolarly, the dandy specimen, measured in at 13′ 3″, weighed 1380 lbs. and was verified as the largest reptile ever harvested in the State by Arkansas Game and Fish. Hunting was first allowed in 2007. 

May I digress? Thank you.

 If you ever make it to Texarkana, I would advise you Roy Roseville, to keep your eyes peeled. “He who is not in the best of shape should plan on using the ol’ poke in the eye or ear trick to get away”.

By the way, the hunters admitted using an old farmer’s trick of obtaing the weight of something when you don’t have an adequate scale to use. Here tis. You drive the F-150 or F-250 to the cotton gin and weigh the truck with what ever is in it on the gin’s scale. Then you go pick up whatever it is you want to weigh and put it into the back of the truck with whatever was in there originally. Then you go back to the cotton gin and weigh the truck again and determine the weight of the load. If you are observant you will notice the number will always end in a zero since the closest ten pound number is recorded. If you want an accurate weight of yourself it is best to use the bathroom scale.

May I regress? Thank you.

The leg bones were sent to a professor at Florida State University for analysis. A  ‘Prof’ there claims he can count rings somehow and come up with the boys age like they do with tree rings. An early estimate is about 35 years.

Hey ‘Tonnyyy’!!!! Lots to work with here, eh? Sweep out the showcase in El Paso  ‘para muy bueno nuevo botas de cowboy’.

ANYONE SEEN ALVIN?

I wasn’t able to get permission to talk about anything not related to gators or crocs since Alvin has not come around lately. In fact, we have had no encounters with Baby Alex or the other small fry either.

Play Ball Boys!!!!

How ’bout those GIANTS, World Champion Baseball Club two out of the last three years? I couldn’t bring myself to do any bragging while games were in progress because I was taught by my high school baseball coach, Skip Schifino at Hayden High School, State Champions Class B 1959, to be superstitious. He would throw a tizzy fit if anyone left two bat handles crossed on the ground. 

Did you notice that the Giant hater,analyst Eric ‘Didger’ Karros, and annoucers Joe Buck and Tim Mc Carver were homers for the Tigers? Sorry boys it didn’t work; too bad, how sad!