Bit 1

Do you remember Young Alvin’s uncle ‘Aleophus Alligator’? Oh well, that’s ok, I’ll refresh your memory. He was the 12 footer killed in a Louisiana bayou by a commercial fisherman, who sold the meat to Big Al, who fried it up southern style, and outsourced the hide to Italy to be made into purses and shoes; not boots. I knew you could be refreshed and I’m sorry again, Tony in El Paso.

The important thing to recall at this time is the State biologist had a stombotomy performed on Aleophus and I concluded that he had eaten Daniel Boone sometime in the past. Yah baby, now we’re cookin’! I, after hours on my cell phone, have been able to secure photos of the coonskin hat with tail, leather shirt with fringe and UGG^® boots recovered from the stomach.

I figure that Aleophus spotted Dan’l with his pants down and when he took off running, like a chicken, he ran right out of them, tripped and fell. I think that’s where the term ‘pants on the ground’ came from. Falling allowed the speedy uncle, at 11 mph, to catch Dan’l with no pants on; therefore there were no pants in stomach. Apparently Dan’l did not know about or recall paragraph two of the previous lesson. ‘Dan’l no poke in eye, ear or nose’!

Roy; ‘pay attention, be alert and stay alive’!

Bit 2

Another aggressive croc encounter comes from down under, as reported from Sydney. ‘Creswell Crocodile’, another far removed cousin of Alvin’s, inhabits a river near a construction site in Malaysian Borneo. An Indonesian laborer who goes by a single name, Pai, was the object of Creswell’s aggression. Pai, knowing the river was infested, wandered under a bridge and into the water to relieve himself. ‘Cuz’ saw the opportunity, snuck up on him and bit high on the right arse cheek. Pai poked Creswell in the eye and managed to escape in bloody pain and sought help. He was in recovery at a local hospital and Cousin Creswell is free to roam the river and seek another luncheon opportunity.

May I digress, please? Thank you!

It is apparent that local politicians do not have an ACLU representative to advise them on proper job site needs. If so, they would mandate that construction fat cats provide workers with daily serviced Port-A-Pots. Life threatening encounters, such as this one, would be prevented. In addition, breakfast  before work begins at sun up, lunch at mid-day and dinner after work stops at dark should be served. All these employment perks should be sought after concessions in future labor negotiations. But that is just me!

May I regress, pleases? Thank you!

Obviously, due to the circumstances, Tony Lama will not be marketing signature ‘Crocodile Dundee’ cowboy boots out of his showroom in El Paso