‘Young Alvin Alligator’ had an uncle ‘Aleophus Alligator’ who used to live in the Louisiana Bayou until he was caught, killed, and skinned by a commercial fisherman. The meat was cooked and then eaten by customers of Big Al’s Seafood (no kidding this time)  restaurant in Houma, LA. Aleophus weighed in at 800 lbs. and was 12 feet long. There was no mention of the dimensions of the boy’s ‘testickles’, most likely because they are internal. You learned in a previous session that the sex organs of both males and females are internal. O. K.? In this case the sex test was not necessary since girls never attain the stats this boy racked up.

Apparently there is no need to have a permit or even be a licensed trapper in Louisiana to nab a gator, since no mention was made of either. The fisherman said he shot Aleophus 15 times with a .22 caliber Rimfire rifle in the back of the head, so as not to harm the skin or meat. I don’t know if he ran out of ammunition or ‘Unc’ just quit kickin’.

The fisherman sold the meat to Big Al for $350; no mention was made of the value of the hide. He did like many democrats do and outsourced the hide to Italy, after giving it a good salting, to be made into clothing, shoes and purses. Sorry Tony, no boots! B. O. and the democrats, with a gigantic green grant, outsourced the hybrid car ‘Fisker’ to Sweden or was it Finland? I don’t know and who cares. Nobody wants one anyway. But that’s just me. And Jeff Immelt, CEO of General Electric, a best friend of B. O., is outsourcing jobs all over the world. And don’t forget the great auto company you own part of, General Motors, who closed up dealership, after dealership, after dealership and stopped producing brands, Pontiac and Oldsmobile. B. O. and his appointed GM management put who knows how many workers out of work and on unemployment for 99 weeks. GM is now expanding like crazy, on your dime, in China!!! I heard from a reliable source that Hop Sing Cartwright, ‘Bonanza’, and other chop suey chefs over there, like to drive ‘Cadaracs’.

By the way, the Louisiana State Biologist performed a stombotomy on Aleophus and found a coon skin hat including tail, a leather shirt with fringe and a pair of UGG^® boots. Sorry again Tony! I think he ate Daniel Boone. I don’t know when, but he digested everything that was digestible!!! But that’s just me!

NEXT

HEADLINE TALLAHASSEE

14 FOOT GATOR PULLED FROM FLORIDA’S LAKE TALQUIN

A contracted trapper (NAT) pulled the 14 footer, 3 ½” shy of the State record, out of LakeTalquin recently. The gator, ‘Aloysius Alligator’, was an uncle to Alvin Alligator, who lives in the backyard lake of Bob and Charlene. ‘Unc’ was the fourth specimen over 11 feet the part time trapper pulled out of that lake in recent months. The trapper’s real job is owning a lobbyist firm that works the Florida State Capital.

A female homeowner, adjacent to the lake, called the FWCC about a large gator in her yard. The FWCC, in turn, called the trapper. When the trapper called the complainant, she told him it was a very large animal, but he didn’t realize what he was about to deal with at the time.

May I digress, please? Thank you!

I firmly believe a woman instinctively knows what big is when she sees it! Believe her. If she says it’s big, it’s big! You can put your money on it and take it to the bank!

May I regress, please? Thank you!

The trapper caught Aloysius on a baited hook after 1 1/2 hours but it took another 2 hours to rope and pull him close enough to the boat to kill him with a six foot pole. No details of that procedure were provided, unfortunately. But that’s just me! There was no way a gator Aloysius’ length and weight could be pulled into the boat so he had to be pulled to shore near the trapper’s pickup. Finally a trailer had to be imported and used to load and transport Uncle Aloysius. By then 5 hours had elapsed.

Although the 14 footer was not a State record for length, the head was measured by a Florida State Biologist and found to be a new record, 23 ¾” wide. Wow! Howdy!

Tony Lama says he will make a pair each of cowboy, cowgirl and cowkid boots to display in the showcase window in El Paso. After that he will keep making boots until there is no more Aloysius.

By the way, my friend Ted tells me that a piece of gator tail, deep fried southern style, tastes just like chicken; not on the ‘Broken Egg’ menu!! Joanne, the next time Ray takes you to the Philippines you can run an experiment for me. They say some of the biggest gators and crocs in the world live there and are finger lickin’ good!